My Mom’s oldest brother, Sherwin
Cox, died in 2001. At our family reunion prior to his death, he approached me
for a private conversation.
I could tell in his expression he
had something serious to say to me, he said “I
want you to know why I kept my family out of the [LDS] church”. I didn’t
know what was coming next, and after a pause he continued … “Polygamy … it’s evil … it’s of the Devil”.
I was stunned, but my brain was racing with how to reply. I stammered
the words “but … but … Joseph Smith … he
…”, my Uncle smiled a kind smile and walked away.
A
day before his brief words with me, I watched him greet with hugs every family
as they arrived at the family reunion. He was known as good, kind, generous,
and busy, but now his priorities were urgent as time was slipping away too
quickly.
Sometime after his death, I
attended the St. George LDS Temple with my Mother, Grandmother, Uncle and Aunt,
and the wife of my deceased Uncle Sherwin. The purpose was a vicarious sealing
of him to his Wife, Donna. There were a lot of happy tears shed that day, and
we all believed he was pleased with what took place.
As my busy life rolled on, I
occasionally reflected on that brief encounter with Uncle Sherwin at the family reunion. Why was it so important to him to tell me that … to how many others
did he say those words … an ember was smoldering within me to understand why he
said what he said.
My Dad passed away unexpectedly
several years later. It was hard to accept, people so important to my existence
were now gone. When Grandma Vivian died, I really felt melancholy when visiting the Reunion property alone. I can be there with Family and enjoy myself, but
alone, I feel tears coming on as I walk about and remember. Oh how I miss them all.
So in the fall of 2011 a strong and persistent feeling
came over me that I must delve into my paradigm and turn over every stone. My
kids got tired of hearing about my research into why Blacks were denied the
priesthood; and whether or not it was Joseph Smith that instituted Polygamy;
and why the LDS Church was investing billions in City Creek, Philadelphia, and
Florida.
I wondered at times, and still
do, whether these promptings were connected with my belief that our deceased
loved-ones are mindful of us, and they now possess an unfettered perspective on
the past, present, and future. While I don't believe they are permitted to interfere with our agency, I believe our souls are communicative, after all, I have their DNA within me, our connection is eternal. I’ve had dreams, a few I consider visions, that
left me with impressions of things that are changing, that time is winding down,
maybe it’s just my own conscience reminding that I’ve lived two-thirds of my potential
mortality. Whatever it is, I’ve been driven to study out practically everything
I’ve ever embraced, to know for certain it is based on truth and not
tradition.
Early last year one of my grown
children helped me set up this blog. She said it will help me share my findings
with the family and anyone else I might want to share with. I have only posted
a half-dozen times so far, and only two people have ever left comments, but this
is a forum for me to process what I learn. I don’t claim to be right, I always reference
sources to support what I share, and I welcome feedback. This is about seeking
truth and having the courage to change when I'm on the wrong side of it. Tradition is damning, I can't imagine the horror finding out after death that I left my posterity behind in darkness.
I’m experiencing many emotions as I challenge my paradigm;
sometimes excitement, sometimes sorrow. I’m not afraid of seeking truth because
its source is the Creator of my soul. Although I cannot see Him, I feel His
presence, and His words (scripture) give hope that He is at the end of my journey.
BTW, I now realize my Uncle Sherwin wasn't
asking for my opinion about Polygamy, but rather, planting a seed of desire to
know the truth. How thankful I am he loved me that much.
Stand by for Part Two of this subject.
